Gentle sunlight lightly tapped at my eyelids, pulling me from my slumber. Rolling onto my back I stretched the longest stretch possible, reveling in the feeling of my limbs coming alive. Wiggling my jaw back and forth I realized that for once I had not tried to grind my teeth to dust as I slept, my jaw and temples felt pretty darn good!
Sitting up in one quick move I grinned like a fool when I realized that for once, my neck and shoulders were not holding me hostage, forcing me to move and stretch before raising my head from the pillow. Instead, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, looking forward to all I would do with my day. My feet didn’t wince when called on to hold my weight. My hips didn’t scream through the days first twenty steps. My hands, no longer numb, gripped the door knob, flinging open the door so I could greet the day.
I was going to paint, hike, cook, clean and visit people I hadn’t seen for years. I couldn’t wait to embrace the day and make up for time lost to CMP and FMS. I had WON and I was gonna make the most of it!
Then the alarm went off. I blindly slapped at the alarm with a numb arm and winced in pain as I tried to pull my head from the pillow. It seems so unfair that I can live the life I want while sleeping, but when I awaken my tortured body rules my life! I don’t want disability payments. I don’t want to stay home and not make a difference. This sucks and I am DAMN MAD that this disease, this pain is ruling my life!
Acupuncture, physical therapy, water therapy, cognitive therapy, stretching, herbs, vitamins, inversion tables, raw foods, fiber and countless other strategies have not improved my life or lessened the pain. I am sick and tired of being “SICK AND TIRED!”
I sigh, knowing that the recent rash of people addicted to prescription pain killers has doctors running into the shadows. The chance of my doctor giving me any measure of pain control is slim to none. We need help, we need relief, we need to function, make a living, raise our children, be a good spouse, help others and just live our lives.
Who is going to step up and help those stuck in the cracks, the chronic pain patients who are not dying, but they may as well be at times?
c2012 Jane Kohler